Bill The Cable Guy

Every trip to Sanctuary includes a car packed with stuff, sometimes pulling a trailer also packed with stuff, two cats (who are finally getting the hang of the 9 -10 hour drive) and a lengthy ‘to do’ list for when we arrive. Included on our list for our 3-week stay during our first Christmas here was ‘get internet service.’

Now, what we especially love about the place is that it includes almost 3 acres of trees, bordered by what our neighbors call ‘the 100 acre wood’. It’s out in the country, which is the opposite of our place in southern California. In fact, it has the feel of being free and independent from civilization. Almost.

At Sanctuary we have a well that supplies all our water. We have a septic tank, so we’re not connected to everyone else via a sewer system. We heat the houses with wood stoves. But we had to draw the line somewhere. We must, I repeat must, be connected to the Internet.

So they told us it would take some time to accomplish this, a weekend trip up wouldn’t suffice. Seemed a little funny to me, but then, I’ve already found out that the people who provide services for us are VERY nice, even if they seem to work on country time or something. They chat and are certainly thorough, but just aren’t in any kind of hurry. At all. So I get worried and when I think they’re not looking I mouth to Ron we aren’t paying them by the hour, are we?

But installing Internet service beat them all. It was like the light bulb joke. How many people does it take to connect to the Internet, anyway?

The first appointment was for the man who came to scope things out, so to speak. Ron met him outside where the conversation went something like this:

“You don’t have any cable coming from the pole at the road. We’ll have to string some, wow, it must be 300 feet or something.”

Ron: “Do you see any other wires? No? That’s because everything is underground here.”

“Ohhh, you want it underground? That means digging a trench.” So he took a can of spray paint and made a red line from the road, through the trees, through the garden to the house and left.

“He does know his line runs right over the septic tank doesn’t he?” I asked. “How deep does the trench need to be?”

Over the course of the next three days the power guy, the phone guy and the water guy (still haven’t figured that one out, we have a well, for goodness sake, as do all our neighbors) came to make their uniquely colored paint marks on the property to make sure their lines wouldn’t get damaged in the process of digging the trench.

After this, two men came out and carefully dug a trench on top of the red painted line and laid the cable. (The squirrels or somebody had fun with this during the night. The next morning there were all little holes dug into the nice soft dirt covering the buried cable. Probably be all kinds of oak trees sprouting along that red line.)

Once that was accomplished, it was time to make yet another appointment. This time we get Bill The Cable Guy at the door, in the pouring rain. When he notices Ron putting on his coat he says, “You’re not going to follow me around all morning, are you?” Indeed, that is just what Ron had intended to do, although he decided it might be best not to take photos of Bill doing his work as originally planned.

In keeping with local culture, Bill saw no need to be in any kind of hurry. Whatsoever. Maybe we were his only appointment for the day or something, who can say? So it was coming up to lunchtime and I was getting hungry. Should I wait with preparing food until he leaves? Naw. Who knows when that will be.

Now, Sanctuary has this wonderful pantry in the kitchen. Never had one before, and I’m loving it. I keep everything in it. So as I begin making lunch, who is in my pantry? Bill The Cable Guy, Ron, a ladder and wires everywhere. The main house is quite large. It is the largest house I have ever lived in. And in all that space, the place that was chosen to house the wires for the ‘wireless’ Internet is dead center downstairs. In my pantry.

So I gather my stuff and begin working around them when Bill The Cable Guy says, “You baking a pie for your husband or something?”

“No pie. Muffins,” I reply, grateful he didn’t refer to me as the little woman or something. I mean, if I was going to bake a pie, it wouldn’t be just for my husband. (You can tell the whole two-men-with-wires-in-my-pantry thing was getting to me a bit.)

For not wanting anyone to follow him around, he has certainly warmed up. Bill is pretty much talking non-stop now. I break in to ask, “You going to be here through lunch?”

“Nope,” Bill replies. And indeed, he was gone by the time the muffins made it out of the oven. I am not sure that would have been the case had I been baking a pie.

Several days later I was out front pruning what I believe to be a Japanese maple tree. A car drives in the gate and down the long driveway. This is not a common thing. Sanctuary is at the end of a mile long private road. We don’t get any random cars going by. It’s worth getting off the ladder for.

A cheerful man gets out of the car and comes over. “Can I help you?” I ask, certain he must be lost.

“I’m here to take a picture of the cable installation, just to make sure it was done correctly.” And, with my permission, he takes one picture of the cable entering the house and is done.

“That’s all?” I ask.

“Yup,” he replies.

“You just drive around taking pictures all day?”

“I love my job,” he says with a grin.

So, are you counting? How many guys does it take to hook up the Internet? We certainly seem to be doing our bit to stimulate the economy up here in our neck of the woods.